Leia
Goldberg
Mrs.
Belden
Honors
English I
10
October, 2014
Disney
The ground was cold and hard, I felt like I was
shifting back and forth, probably because I was. I was awake, but too scared to
open up my eyes, so I laid there for a while, but nothing changed. I became
curious to where I was so I stood up. I was on a monorail, an empty monorail
going in circles. Then I heard a voice, “Please stand clear of the doors, por
favor mantenganse se alejado de las puertas.” I walked over to the window, it
was foggy, and everything was blurry. Then I saw something faint, sitting
within the gloom, it was a castle, a big beautiful castle with over one hundred
windows, blue and gold flags at the tip of every point, and the gorgeous
entrance sitting underneath it all. I could remember it like it was yesterday,
Disney was the only place I felt safe, from all of my problems, and worries
back in Texas. The monorail stopped, and I heard the same recorded voice say
the exact same thing. The doors opened, so I got off. I walked down a ramp
trying to recall what I did before I woke up on the monorail, but I couldn’t
remember anything. I knew my name was Mary, I also knew I was from Dallas, I’m
fourteen, and… I stopped there. I was standing in front of the entrance to
Magic Kingdom probably my favorite out of all of the Disney Parks. Of course I
had to check it out. There was no one at the gates, which was strange because
it’s the middle of… of… it’s the middle of some month, but that doesn’t matter
Disney always has lines for everything, even the bathrooms. I thought about
turning back, but I didn’t exactly have a ride back to wherever I had come
from, so I walked in.
Nothing changed about Magic Kingdom since the
last time I came, like two years ago, except that fact that it was empty, but
that didn’t scare me. I’ve had my share of horrifying movies, and Halloween
mazes, where clowns jumped out with chain saws chasing you up the nearest tree.
After a few last looks I made my way into Pecos Bill an amazing restaurant, in
Magic Kingdom. When I walked in there were rows and rows of different meals,
but still no one to eat any of them. I grabbed one, and sat down. I peered over
my shoulder and saw the silhouette of a person, and turned back to my meal. Then
reality slapped me across the face, I wasn’t alone! I turned all the way around
to find a boy who looked about my age maybe a little older. It took a while
before he noticed me too.
I walked
over to the boy to introduce myself, “hi, I’m Mary”, I said with a smile. “Hi,
I’m Aaron”, he said back to me, standing up and revealing his height, which was
about two hundred feet taller than me. “Is today some sort of don’t go to
Disney day or something, because if you haven’t noticed I think were the only
people here.” Aaron looked at me funny, and replied,” I’m just as confused as
you are, but we aren’t the only two people here.” I was disappointed when he
said that, Aaron was pretty cute. “My friend Elisa is in the bathroom.” “Oh
cool, I bet she’s pretty nice,” I said kicking a fry sitting on the floor. “Elisa’s
a guy.” When Aaron said that I lite up, and my attention was immediately off
the fry, and back to him. “That’s ok,” a voice said coming from behind a pole.
“You must be Elisa, sorry about mixing up your name.” I said as Elisa walked
toward Aaron, and I. “It’s cool, happens a lot,” Elisa said like he’s heard it
a million times before. “Hey, why don’t we head over to splash mountain, I’ll
bet you there’s no line,” I said trying to be funny. We started walking toward
Splash Mountain, it was still creepy out, but in a place like Disney, I didn’t
have anything to be worried about, or so I thought.
“So what are you doing in Disney,” Aaron asked.
“Well I didn’t exactly ask to be here, it’s kind of hard to explain, but I’m
happy I’m here anyway. Let’s just say high school is tough, and Disney World
helps me slip away from my problems.” “I can understand that,” interrupted
Elisa. Elisa started talking about why he loved Disney so much, and how Aaron
was his only guy friend who loved it too. Then he stopped, we all heard a noise
like footsteps creeping behind us, but as we turned around nothing was there. Aaron
and Elisa started circling around, while I stood frozen like a dog with its
tail between its legs. “Let’s keep walking,” Aaron said giving me a little
shove, to help me start moving. I know I said I was brave, and all but let’s
just say I haven’t been to a Halloween maze in a while.
Once we finally got to Splash Mountain I
decreed the last person to get to the log had to sit in the front, and block
the water from crashing, on to the people sitting in the back. Little did I
know even with a head start I couldn’t beat two, junior varsity, cross country
runners. So there I was soaking wet, sitting in the front of a log. Luckily I
was too small to prevent water from hitting Aaron, and Elisa, so I wouldn’t
have to be the only one walking around, all wet, and cold. All of a sudden the
ride stopped, and we were sitting there with nowhere to go. I heard a thud
behind us, we turned around to find the way we came just closed. As we were
staring at each other oblivious to what was going on, another thud made its way
to our ears. I slowly turned around to find the entrance into the next part of
the ride was blocked off too, and the water was still coming. I felt a scream
forming in my throat, but I swallowed it back down. Aaron and Elisa jumped out
of the log and on to the flooded path next to us. They both grabbed one of my
arms to pull me to the walk way too. We started running toward the door at the
end of the walk way, but what I was worried would happen, happened. The door
was locked. The log ride started filling with water faster, and the scream I
swallowed came right back up again but this time I couldn’t hold it back. As
soon as we started treading in the water I had an idea. My hair was up in a bun
today which means there’s a bobby pin in it. I reached for my hair and grabbed
a bobby pin, which let go of the buns hold, and turned into a ponytail. I pulled
the bobby pin a part shoved it in the locked and started, moving it around. I
heard a click and felt relived. I dived under the water and opened the door.
Once we all landed in the next room, we jetted out of the ride. “What in the
world happened?” Elisa exclaimed. “I don’t know, but I’m not happy about it,” I
answered. “Mary! How’d you learn how to do that,” Aaron said gasping between
words. “I learned it with my friends, but I’m not pleased with the way they
decided to use it, so I’ve been avoiding them.” I started walking, and Elisa,
and Aaron followed. I told them in more detail how I was avoiding my problems,
and they actually listened, up until we heard a noise again. The noise was the
same as it’s been all day, footsteps, but the footsteps wouldn’t stop, in fact
they got faster, and faster, and faster. As the footsteps behind us sped up, we
doubled our speed too. Up ahead came the end of our sprint, because there was
nowhere left to go. Aaron dived behind a trash can, and Elisa jumped into a
blush, but I, the slow, not cross country runner couldn’t exactly keep up. I
came to a stop, it was standing behind me, I could tell it towered over me, and
it wasn’t about to leave. I closed my eyes and turned around, then…I woke up.
Leia G.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! there are so many thoughts running through my mind right now! I love how the end of your story keeps the reader thinking and wondering who was behind Mary, Aaron, and Elisa. I did notice a couple things that needed fixed. They both are in paragraph 3. The first one is when Mary introduces herself to Aaron, the h in hi needs capitalized. Also when you said Aaron looked at me funny, and replied there is a quotation mark that needs to be flipped around. Other than those to things your story was amazing! Thanks for allowing me to read it! I really enjoyed it.
Emma W.
Hey Leia! That was such a exciting story! I loved your descriptions throughout because it really painted a clear picture in my mind on what was going on. The story line really captured my attention because I have always loved Disney my entire life! I also love how at the end of the story you made the suspense build and build which kept me on the edge of my seat. I wanted to know what was you reasoning for picking this subject? And what backgrounds do they have? One thing that you should check is your use of comas and that your sentences run on a little. So it would be good to break those up. Overall, it was an amazing story!
ReplyDeleteBrooke S.
Hello Leia,
ReplyDeleteThat was a great story! I really enjoyed how you had the setting of the story be Disney! It's something a lot of people can relate to and help them paint an even better picture in there mind of what is going on in the story! Another thing I enjoyed was the subtle way of making fun of Disney, "Everything at Disney has a line, even the bathrooms," it made me laugh out loud! Another thing I thought you did very well was use you literary elements. The hyperboles were really thought out and creative! One question I have is this in Disney World or Disney Land? I was kind of confused on this. Another question I have is what were her struggles in Texas? I don't know why that part was added to the story. A suggestion I have is to describe the park a bit more in depth, I went to Disney World when I was 3 so I don't remember it. I didn't know where any of these things are. Great, creative story!
Good luck writing, Camden D.
Hey Leia! I really like your story. One thing I thought you did well when writing this story was painting a picture in the readers head. You used a lot of good imagery words that appealed to the readers senses. Another thing I liked about your story was the cliff hanger ending. Two questions that I have for you is who was following Mary and what happened to Aaron and Elisa? One suggestion that I have for you is to try and describe Aaron, Elisa, and Mary physically. I know what their personality is but I don't know what they look like. Overall I really liked your story and thought you did an amazing job.
ReplyDelete